In a Nutshell

1. "Hello"
2. "Speaking"
3. "Remove this number from your calling list."

0. Before it rings

1. No-Call Lists
   Get on the US national no-call list:
   www.ftc.gov/donotcall
   Voice: 888-382-1222, TTY: 866-290-4236
   If your state has a no-call list, get on it as well.
   
   
2. Answering machine
   If you don't have one, get one, and make sure it has a speaker that permits you to screen incoming calls (i.e. listen to any message as it is being left). Don't routinely screen all calls, or you will alienate your friends, co-workers and relatives.
   
   
3. Get Caller ID (CID, CLID or CPID)
   With Calling Party IDentification, you can pre-screen calls based on the ID. Be sure to get "name and number" service, and get a display unit or phone that supports both name and number. CPID will show you: known callers, unknown named parties, obvious solicitors, "PRIVATE/ANONYMOUS" callers, and "OUT-OF-AREA/UNKNOWN" callers.
   
   Unfortunately, the vast majority of telemarketers show up as "OUT-OF-AREA/UNKNOWN". This is because they operate their own PBX (Private Branch Exchange) and they deliberately program it to send no CPID data. They know that if they set it to a truthful value or block it (send CPID PRIVATE), you probably won't answer; and the phone company won't allow them (for long) to set it to a deceitful value. Nonetheless, when you see "OUT-OF-AREA/UNKNOWN" on the display, you can prepare your standard reply script, should it turn out to be a solicitor, and not your uncle Fenton calling from that old magneto crank phone in Bryant Pond, ME.
   
   A minority of solicitors will actually block their CPID altogether, sending it as "PRIVATE/ANONYMOUS". These solicitors are more likely to be actual criminals than the "OUT-OF-AREA/UNKNOWN" type, and you really don't want to even answer when they call. Unfortunately, you probably know some individuals who have per-line blocking, and it might be them calling as well. There are three main ways to handle incoming blocked calls: screen via answering machine, programmed re-direct and telco-provided Anonymous Call Rejection (ACR) or "block the blocker".
   
   In some locales, if you have CPID, you also have ACR at no extra charge. It is usually enabled by dialing *77. When enabled, it silently traps all incoming blocked calls, delivering an OGM similar to the one shown below.
   
   
4. Get de-listed at DMA.
   Send your name, home address, and home phone number to:
   
   TELEPHONE PREFERENCE SERVICE
   DIRECT MARKETING ASSOCIATION
   PO BOX 3079
   GRAND CENTRAL STATION, NY 10163
   
   
   There is now a URL for de-list registration, but these clowns want US$5.00 from you if you do it on-line. However, you can de-list yourself by snail mail at no charge using their site to generate the page to print. You can also use the DMA manage (to some extent), your SPAM and junkmail preferences. See: http://www.dmaconsumers.org
   
   I have not personally done this, but one reader reported that telemarketing calls declined dramatically about a month after registering. You can assume that the DMA list is ignored by criminal telemarketers.
   
   
5. Get a smarter answering machine.
   There are answering machines and combo phone/answerers that can be programmed to handle individual and classes of CPID calls in unique ways.
   
   For example, I have a Nortel 9516, which has been configured to always answer blocked calls on the first ring, and deliver an OGM specific to blocked calls, namely:
   
   "Your caller ID is blocked. At this number NNN-NNNN, in [statename] area code NNN, blocked calls are answered only by machine. Press poundsign or wait for the beep to leave a message. To unblock your line on future calls, press star 8 2, rotary 1 1 8 2, before dialing if you have per-line blocking, or merely by not first dialing star 6 7 or rotary 1 1 6 7, if you don't.
   
   We have thus trained several per-line-blocked neighbors to per-call-unblock.
   
   
6. Unlisted number?
   Having an unlisted number may reduce, but won't eliminate, the incidence of telephone solicitations. Telemarketers can get your number, even if unlisted. Even if they can't get it, they can use robot dialers to just try every number in a sequence.
   
   
7. Freeze your LD carrier.
   Many telemarketing calls are from long-distance telephone service providers (or re-sellers), some of whom are borderline criminal organizations (or use Arthur Anderson as their accountants). Even if you follow the advice in this article, they may still attempt to contact your dial-tone provider (local phone company) and switch your LD carrier to themselves, without your consent (known as "slamming").
   
   Call your local telco, and have them place a "freeze" order on your choice of LD carrier. If possible, make it an order to change only upon written authorization from you. The LD teleslammers will be aware of the freeze order, and are less likely to call you in order to create a forged call log to use to support a slam attempt.

1. Hello

This first step raises the question of whether to answer at all. If you don't answer telemarketing calls, they are quite likely to call back again in the future. If you perform steps 1, 2 and 3, they probably will not call back.

If you do answer, don't use the word "yes" at any time during the call (see next section).

If the call is from a known criminal enterprise, you might consider preventing the crook from getting quickly to their next victim by saying "hello", "speaking", and then setting the handset down and going about your business for several minutes. They will usually launch heedlessly into their pitch, and it may be five minutes before you hear a faint
"Hello? ... Hello? ...".
Hang up as soon as you hear a click or the warble tone.

2. Speaking

Assuming that the solicitor asks to speak with you by name, and gets your name correct, again, do not respond with the word "yes". Many telemarketing calls are to induce you to switch LD carriers, and they will record your responses, and use any instance of you saying the word "yes" to support their claim that you agreed to buy whatever it is they're selling.

If the caller does not have your correct name and/or pronounciation, or more egregiously, admits that they don't even known who their robot called, and asks for the "head of the household" or the "person who makes the telephone service decisions", consider skipping immediately to step 3.

3. Remove...

"Remove this number from your calling list."

Telemarketers are obliged to not call anyone on their do-not-call list. If you are sufficiently motivated, you can even sue them if they do so, but that will force you to find out who they are, and keep logs of incoming calls. I have found that just making statement #3 is sufficient to prevent over 90% of re-calls.

If you do decide to take steps, be sure to ask: "What is the name of the corporation that you are representing? What is the name of the registered agent for that corporation, and what is the address to which I can serve legal process? Also, what is your full name and location?"

There are a number of things to not say:

"I'm not interested." will not prevent return calls. Solicitors interpret this as "I'm not interested right now."

"You have the wrong number." or "She's not here." will likewise result in future re-calls.

I suppose you could try:

"Let me have your home phone number.
I'll call you back at a time which will be least convenient for you."

4. Hang Up

I trust that I don't need to tell you to never, ever, actually buy anything from a telephone solicitor, and more generally, never give out an credit card or bank account number to anyone who calls you, regardless of who they claim to be. Call them back. Even if it's about a matter you initiated, only give out account info when you placed the call. And never give out such info via cell phone in analog mode, nor on a cordless phone unless it spread-spectrum or encryption.

OGM

Out-Going Message: The greeting that you record into your answering system, that is played for each caller. Sophisticated systems support muliple OGMs, with each being played to particular callers, or particular classes of callers, based on the incoming CPID or other criteria.

Robot Dialers

Regardless of how the telemarketer obtained your phone number, they routinely use computers to perform the actual dialing, and sophisticated voice recognition to pre-screen you before handing the call to the next available solicitor. If the robot detects an answering machine, it usually won't hand off. In any case, this is why when you answer a sales call and say "hello", you almost always hear silence, then some clicks and buzzing as the call is routed to a real person (who couldn't be bothered waiting for you to answer - but expects you to be polite enough to wait for them).